Tiger Mom

These days everyone and her sister is reading, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. Guys are reading it too. It's an in-your-face description of the draconian methods Chinese women who live in Western cultures use to help their young children to excel. Here, for example, are some of the things Amy's daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

*attend a sleepover
*have a playdate
*be in a school play
*complain about not being in a school play
*watch TV or play computer games
*choose their own extracurricular activities
*get any grade less than an A
*not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama
*play any instrument other than the piano or violin
*not play the piano or violin.

Amy puts in unbelievable hours helping her kids get straight As. She shoves them out onto the concert stage before bra-time. In Amy's words, "What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, which is why it is crucial to override the children's preferences."

While all the other parents are asleep at the switch--letting their kids play and have fun and get yanked around here and there--Chinese kids are quietly taking their place as tomorrow's excellent people. Question: Does all work and no play make Wong a dull boy?

The argument might be that Chinese kids become technically efficient automatons who have stunted feelings and only a vestigial sense of joy. Funnily, the Chinese and mixed-Chinese kids I know seem pretty normal and full of fun, but that may be just an illusion. Amy's kids seem to be mostly in rebellion until the penny drops that they are truly superior, in full entitlement mode and upholding the family reputation.

The Chinese mother sees value in music because there are standards to aim for. The demands of Mozart, Bach and Chopin must be met. But what about the visual arts? The Chinese mother sees little value in painting classes because the results cannot be measured. So much of art as taught in the Western world seems to be arbitrary. "Fooling around" is not often in the Chinese curriculum. It's a different cup of noodles in Asia, of course, where millions attempt to learn academic painting and a few thousand succeed. In the painting studios and classes of China, hard work, hard apprenticeship, long hours and focus prevail.

By the way, according to Amy, you don't have to be Chinese to be a Chinese mother.



PS: "At the Winner's concert where Sophia performed, as I watched her deft fingers fluttering and tumbling up and down the piano like real butterfly wings, I was overcome with pride, exhilaration, and hope. I couldn't wait for the next day, to work more with Sophia, and to learn more music together." (Amy Chua)

Esoterica: Has the Western world gone too far into permissiveness? Are our demands for freedom, self-reliance and individual expression taking us into a Neverland of mediocrity? More important, are we convincing ourselves that what we do is okay when it's not?